FINCON11: Meet Kyle the Douchebag

Me and Kyle. Used with his consent.


Picture this: It’s the last night of FINCON11. We’re partying at John Barleycorn courtesy of Ramit Sethi. I go onto the balcony in the freezing temperatures for a smoke break and to take off my super cute (AKA uncomfortable) shoes for a minute. Jana from Daily Money Shot graciously agrees to come with me even though she doesn’t smoke.

This guy comes up and says, “This is rude, but do you mind if I borrow a cigarette?”

Borrow? What, so you’re going to bring it back later? Smokers are so silly.

I give him a cigarette, and he says, “I’m not trying to hook up with you or anything. I just think it would be nice if we became friends and talked. You wouldn’t want to hook up with me because I’m a douchebag.”

Jana and I are cracking up at this point because it’s obvious we are talking to one super drunk dude. Who spills my drink on my bare feet five minutes later as he tells his life story.

Meet Kyle

Here are a few things you should know about Kyle:

  • He got a DUI a few months ago, which (according to him) cost $10,000 in fines.
  • He’s into distribution (Rick Ross, anyone?) and something to do with janitorial supplies.
  • He says he makes a ton of money.
  • He feels he has to drink to be social, and that’s the only way he can make business contacts.
  • He’s a douchebag, which he defines as only being interested in women who are taken. So yeah, I agree with him.
  • His family relationships are damaged because of his drinking.

Round Two

After Kyle dumped my drink, I decided I was done with the conversation. However, the second time I went outside, he came back and started talking again.

I told Kyle I write about money on the internet and asked if he had any financial advice to share with my readers.

His response: “You need to make lots of money. Don’t drive drunk because it costs a lot. And don’t be a douchebag.”

Considering the fact that he couldn’t count to 5 at the time, I thought that was pretty good.

Oh, and he spilled a SECOND drink, this time on my shoes. When I told him he owed me a new drink, he stumbled back into the restaurant and disappeared. Goodbye, Kyle.

Why should you care?

There isn’t really a point to this story; I just think it’s hilarious.

I do find it interesting that even a falling-down drunk guy can impart some wisdom.

You need to make lots of money. Is money everything? Of course not. But if you can’t pay your bills, life isn’t very much fun. So find something you enjoy that pays well.

Don’t drive drunk because it costs a lot. Not to mention the fact that YOU COULD KILL SOMEONE. But I think the bigger point here is to stop throwing away money on stupid stuff.

Don’t be a douchebag. Obviously something about it was working for Kyle, or else he wouldn’t have repeated it 300 times. But it’s generally a bad idea to take things that don’t belong to you. If you’re unhappy with your behavior, you need to change it.

So that’s the story of Kyle. I’m almost finished telling FINCON11 stories, but this one was too funny not to share.

Edit: Apparently many of you know a “Kyle” - share your stories in the comments!

Posted in blogging, career, fincon11, random, spending | 31 Comments

FINCON11 and Steve Jobs

Just as I was hovering over the “Publish” button for my recap of the Financial Blogger Conference, I saw a tweet from the Associated Press reporting that Steve Jobs has passed away. I’ll admit it - I cried. Not just a few years; I sobbed like I lost my closest friend. And I’m still wiping my face as I type.

As my mind travels between the points I wanted to share from FINCON11 and my reaction to Steve Jobs’ death, I realize that both events are already affecting my life profoundly. Not the events themselves, but their relationship to some of the struggles I’ve been dealing with. And that connection is what I’d rather share with you right now than anything else.

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Posted in blogging, confessions, fincon11, guru, review | 22 Comments

FINCON11: Stalking JD Roth

not my actual hand


For those of you who follow me on Twitter, it’s probably not surprising to see a post about stalkers. After all, @FrugalBeautiful and I have been talking about them for weeks. Our not-so-serious goal: To gain free flowers and the occasional random text message to make up for our lame/nonexistent dating lives. However, I never thought I would become a stalker myself.

Confession - I unsuccessfully stalked JD Roth from Get Rich Slowly for the duration of the Financial Blogger Conference.

When I found out JD Roth was speaking at FINCON11, I was thrilled. (Note: I will always refer to him by his full name because that’s what happens when people are amazing.) His blog was one of the first personal finance resources that ever got my attention. Here’s this regular guy who got into debt and managed to pull himself out, becoming mega successful along the way. Who wouldn’t want to pick the brain of such an amazing person?

Here’s how it went down:

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Posted in blogging, confessions, debt, fincon11, guru, Uncategorized | 57 Comments

I Have Abandonment Issues

I swear, I leave for 4 days and it’s like this place curled up and died. No one calls or comes to visit, no one comments… I know the posts I left weren’t stellar but WOW. I feel so alone.

Oh yeah, except I spent the weekend with all the other personal finance bloggers and it was AWESOME! I’m completely exhausted. SO. WORTH. IT. I’ll be sharing some of the excitement from FINCON11 here on the blog, but I promise to include interesting things so the non-bloggers won’t get bored.

A few stories you can look forward to:

~ My stalker diary (unfortunately I was the stalker, not the stalkee)

~ Random drunk guy with the opening line “I’m a douchebag”

~ The ethics of accepting favors from convicted felons

~ The STORM that is terrorizing Chicago’s nightclubs (with low-quality video)

~ Snowglobegate and other swag mishaps

In an incredibly smart move, I took Monday off work, so I’ll have the first post up sometime after I drag myself out of bed. Don’t miss out on all the fun!

Posted in blogging, confessions, fincon11 | 11 Comments