Picture this: It’s the last night of FINCON11. We’re partying at John Barleycorn courtesy of Ramit Sethi. I go onto the balcony in the freezing temperatures for a smoke break and to take off my super cute (AKA uncomfortable) shoes for a minute. Jana from Daily Money Shot graciously agrees to come with me even though she doesn’t smoke.
This guy comes up and says, “This is rude, but do you mind if I borrow a cigarette?”
Borrow? What, so you’re going to bring it back later? Smokers are so silly.
I give him a cigarette, and he says, “I’m not trying to hook up with you or anything. I just think it would be nice if we became friends and talked. You wouldn’t want to hook up with me because I’m a douchebag.”
Jana and I are cracking up at this point because it’s obvious we are talking to one super drunk dude. Who spills my drink on my bare feet five minutes later as he tells his life story.
Meet Kyle
Here are a few things you should know about Kyle:
- He got a DUI a few months ago, which (according to him) cost $10,000 in fines.
- He’s into distribution (Rick Ross, anyone?) and something to do with janitorial supplies.
- He says he makes a ton of money.
- He feels he has to drink to be social, and that’s the only way he can make business contacts.
- He’s a douchebag, which he defines as only being interested in women who are taken. So yeah, I agree with him.
- His family relationships are damaged because of his drinking.
Round Two
After Kyle dumped my drink, I decided I was done with the conversation. However, the second time I went outside, he came back and started talking again.
I told Kyle I write about money on the internet and asked if he had any financial advice to share with my readers.
His response: “You need to make lots of money. Don’t drive drunk because it costs a lot. And don’t be a douchebag.”
Considering the fact that he couldn’t count to 5 at the time, I thought that was pretty good.
Oh, and he spilled a SECOND drink, this time on my shoes. When I told him he owed me a new drink, he stumbled back into the restaurant and disappeared. Goodbye, Kyle.
Why should you care?
There isn’t really a point to this story; I just think it’s hilarious.
I do find it interesting that even a falling-down drunk guy can impart some wisdom.
You need to make lots of money. Is money everything? Of course not. But if you can’t pay your bills, life isn’t very much fun. So find something you enjoy that pays well.
Don’t drive drunk because it costs a lot. Not to mention the fact that YOU COULD KILL SOMEONE. But I think the bigger point here is to stop throwing away money on stupid stuff.
Don’t be a douchebag. Obviously something about it was working for Kyle, or else he wouldn’t have repeated it 300 times. But it’s generally a bad idea to take things that don’t belong to you. If you’re unhappy with your behavior, you need to change it.
So that’s the story of Kyle. I’m almost finished telling FINCON11 stories, but this one was too funny not to share.
Edit: Apparently many of you know a “Kyle” - share your stories in the comments!
