How Being a T-Rex Would Help My Finances

Step Brothers is one of my favorite movies of all time. If you haven’t seen it, you should stop reading this post and go watch it right now - that’s how hilarious it is. Anyway, there’s a scene toward the end where the dad tries to encourage his adult son:

Robert: Listen to me, Dale. Look, when I was a kid, when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a dinosaur. I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus rex more than anything. I made my arms short and roamed the backyard, and I chased the neighborhood cats, and I growled and I roared… Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And then one day my dad said, “Bobby, you’re 17. It’s time to throw childish things aside.” And I said, “Okay, Pop.” But he didn’t really say that; he said, “Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job.” But you know, I thought to myself, I’ll go to medical school… I’ll practice a little while. Then I’ll come back to it.

Dale: Dad… How is that a skill?

Robert: …but I forgot how to do it.

Dale: You’re human. You could never be a dinosaur.

Robert: Yeah. Hey, I lost it.

Dale: Dad, what’s the point?

Robert: The point is, don’t lose your dinosaur.

There are all kinds of inspirational things I could say about that, but you guys know that isn’t my style (especially on Fridays). Instead, I thought about all the ways that being a T-Rex would make my life immeasurably better, including my finances.

How Being a T-Rex Would Help My Finances

1. I wouldn’t be able to reach my wallet.

No, seriously. The T-Rex has little tiny useless arms. If I could turn into one, I’d have no choice but to control my impulses to spend money.

2. I wouldn’t have to deal with peer pressure.

How many people do you think want to hang out with a vicious, carnivorous dinosaur? I’m pretty sure they’d all run away screaming instead of tempting me to go shopping.

3. I wouldn’t need material things.

A T-Rex doesn’t need a house, car, gadgets, clothes, shoes, or anything else really. And even if it had those things, it would probably inadvertently crush them.

4. I could probably get out of repaying my student loans.

I can’t picture anyone from Sallie Mae chasing down a T-Rex because its loan payment was past due. And since I couldn’t get a job as a dinosaur, I’d probably qualify for some kind of special forgiveness program.

5. Dinosaurs do whatever they want.

Dinosaurs don’t deal with money. They run around terrorizing other creatures and eating them. Financial difficulties SOLVED!

What We Can Learn From the T-Rex

A T-Rex would never run into financial problems because money isn’t part of its vocabulary. However, a T-Rex also wouldn’t plan for the future, leaving it to die a painful death after being hit by asteroids. Its family would be left without a single stegosaurus carcass, all because of its failure to think ahead.

No matter how good it may sound on the surface, becoming a dinosaur is never a good idea. And daydreaming about becoming one, while fun for a minute, won’t make your financial woes disappear.

This has been a pointless financial public service announcement. Have a great weekend, friends!

19 Responses to “How Being a T-Rex Would Help My Finances”

  1. seedebtrun says:

    Awesome, Andrea… So awesome.

    You would probably also accidentally break all of your stuff, and constantly need to buy new stuff to replace it I am already clumsy enough, being a T-Rex might put me over the top.


  2. vanessasmoney says:

    I loved this :) Also, I started getting all philosophical about that quote so I'm going to watch that movie now

  3. callmewhatyouwantevencheap says:

    I love this!

    You most likely wouldn't have a student loan. Everyone would be scared to lend you money. Picture a T-Rex walking into a bank. You probably wouldn't make it to the front door without someone calling the police. Lol!

  4. bogofdebt says:

    This was amazing. And I'm pretty sure you could just eat the sales people and take what you wanted so no need to pay Thank you for being awesome and making my "come into work early day" amazing.

  5. Michelle says:

    Haha love this post. And it would be quite nice to just go around and terrorize everything!

  6. Lance@MoneyLife&More says:

    Wow… can’t believe you actually did that… interesting post for sure. Those short arms have to be good for something!

  7. Dave @ DebtBlackHole says:

    Seriously…the BEST post I've read all week! Now all you need are some of those dinosaur slippers that roar when you walk around!

  8. Canadianbudgetbinder says:

    Ha, loved this, thanks for the Friday Funny….haha bog of debt.. "eat the sales people and take what we want"… Cheers Mr.CBB

  9. Jesort415 says:

    This is absolutely hysterical!!! Now I am gonna run out and see if my local red box carries this movie.

  10. Quest says:

    LOL 'Step Brothers' is hilarious. One of my family's favorite movie quotes is 'It will give us so much extra space in our room to do activities!' while acting out the scene. haha

    Funny post!!

  11. DebtsnTaxes says:

    Haha, Great post Andrea. I love Step Brothers, actually any movie with both of those guys in it I like. My favorite quote in that movie is the one (not going to say it) when they are in the treehouse and he punches his brother out of the treehouse.

  12. Nick says:

    Haha - yep - You could also run a "Please don't eat me" business and make a few bucks on the side if you ever needed money…

  13. jonrhodesuk says:

    T-Rex's also like to build a nest egg I do beleive!

  14. Lena @ WhatMommyDoes says:

    LOL - love it! T-rex rules! Makes me wanna go watch Jurassic Park for the millionth time. :)

  15. @florajl says:

    I tried really hard to not like the movie Step Brothers, but I failed. Does this mean we're best friends now?

    • Andrea says:

      Depends. Is your favorite dinosaur the velociraptor? Do you have a samurai sword autographed by Randy Jackson? If so, we are totally best friends!

  16. Brilliant Finances says:

    Very creative. I love it.

  17. Allison @Insomniac Lab Rat says:


    If you were a T Rex, you would also have “a big head and little arms”! (If you haven’t seen Meet the Robinsons, just check out the T Rex from the movie on You Tube gets me every time!)

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