Want to Get Out of Debt Fast? Just Use Super Powers!

Getting out of debt really isn’t very exciting. Don’t get me wrong - sometimes I squeal a little when I make an extra payment, and I threw a virtual party when I paid off all my credit cards - but I’ve noticed that the process is largely full of dull milestones over years of hard work.

Last night I started thinking, What if there was a way to speed this process along? Not debt consolidation loans or playing the balance transfer game, but a tried-and-true method to pay off debt faster?

Then it hit me. All I need to do is gain super powers. Then the rest of my debt will be gone in no time! Here are just a few examples I thought of that would eliminate debt faster than a speeding bullet.

X-Ray Vision

How to get it: Superman gained his powers, including x-ray vision, when he came to Earth as a baby. Krypton orbited a red star, and apparently our sun being a yellow star made his powers come to life. So all you have to do is find a planet that orbits a red star and you should be good to go! I’m sure it works in reverse.

How to harness it to get out of debt: With x-ray vision, you can see your bills without actually opening them, or view your bank balance while driving to work. You can also spy on your creditors, gaining blackmail material you could use to get them to forgive your debts. The possibilities are endless!

Or you could just try this: When bills come in the mail, look at them no matter how much they may scare or upset you. Then talk to the creditor to figure out a plan for paying off the balance as soon as possible. Ignoring problems doesn’t make them go away, unfortunately.

Super Speed

How to get it: The Flash was splashed with chemicals when a shelf of them was struck by lightning, after which he possessed super speed. All you have to do is get a shelf (preferably metal) full of random chemicals, put it in your backyard, and stand next to it in a thunderstorm.

How to harness it to get out of debt: The uses for super speed should be obvious. You can make a bank deposit before an overdraft fee hits. You can grab a check you wrote right before someone cashes it, preventing it from bouncing. Most importantly, you can work multiple jobs to earn more money without the extra hours!

Or you could just try this: A second job, while not practical for everyone, could definitely speed up your debt payoff. And if you have problems with overdraft fees or bounced checks, take some time to balance your checkbook and keep up with your spending. If you can’t make time slow down, the least you can do is use it wisely.


How to get it: Like the other members of the Fantastic Four, The Invisible Woman gained her powers after exposure to a cosmic storm. That could mean anything from a solar flare to contact with a nebula. So just hop in your rocket ship and look for activity in outer space - it shouldn’t take long to find something useful.

How to harness it to get out of debt: If I could become invisible, I’m not sure I would have ever gotten into debt! How many people could resist the power to walk into any store, get what you want, and walk out undetected? To get rid of existing debt, though, you could turn invisible and break into your creditors’ computer systems to erase any record of you and your debt. This also works for credit reports.

Or you could just try this: The best way to get out of trouble with creditors is to maintain a low profile. In other words, you want to seem invisible to them even if you really aren’t. Make your payments on time and for the correct amount. Automate payments through your bank if possible. And if you can’t pay for some reason, contact them promptly, make arrangements, then fade back into the shadows.

Shape Shifting

How to get it: While Mystique is actually a villain and not one of the X-Men, her shape shifting powers are amazing. She can take on the form of any other human, using their appearance to get what she wants. Unfortunately, gaining these powers requires being born with the X-gene, though you could probably buy it on the black market and inject yourself.

How to harness it to get out of debt: Just appear in front of your creditors as President Obama and order them to erase your debts. Or turn into the president of your bank and demand access to the vault. As a last resort, you can just change your name and turn into someone else permanently, escaping the pile of bills waiting for you at home.

Or you could just try this: Imitating other people is generally what gets us into debt in the first place. We buy all kinds of things we can’t afford, then freak out when it’s time to pay. Find someone in your life who is financially responsible and try to be more like them instead of the people who are also drowning in debt.

I Don’t Have Super Powers. How Can I Get Out of Debt Fast?

As you can see, there is no easy way to gain super powers; otherwise we’d all have them. Just like there is no quick way to get out of debt.

I wish I could tell you the secret formula for getting rid of poor financial habits, but there really isn’t one, no matter how many gurus try to sell you products that claim to erase past mistakes. Getting into debt can seem to happen overnight, but getting out takes months or years of dedication.

You don’t have to be a super hero to get out debt. (Though if putting on a cape or mask helps you stay motivated, I say go for it!) You just need to figure out a goal and what steps you’ll take - super or not - to reach it.

34 Responses to “Want to Get Out of Debt Fast? Just Use Super Powers!”

  1. Money Beagle says:

    Getting out of debt the right way will never be paralleled to a movie, because such a movie would likely be boring.  The end result is the excitememt but the process of getting there can be slow.  That's why I recommend setting goals along the way, to keep your focus and make a long term effort a bunch of short term efforts.

    • That's why the snowball method worked well for me with my credit cards - I got results quickly and it helped me stay interested. Unfortunately, now that I'm down to my car and student loans, I'm kind of meh about repayment. I may need to put on a super hero costume to get interested again!

  2. Anonymous says:

    Becoming debt free is definitely an adventure!  Facing the debt and accepting it, then working to eliminate it are the way to go!  Oh yeah…. staying out of stores like Target.  An easy way to spend about $100 bucks!!

  3. Dave Hilton says:

    Everyone has some kind of financial superpower! It just takes time to recognize it & train yourself to use it. If you're in a relationship, you might also find that your financial "kryptonite" doesn't hurt your partner at all. Use your strengths, but recognize your weaknesses! ABSOLUTELY GREAT POST!

  4. April Stotler says:

    I love it!

    Though…perhaps a disclaimer so some moron doesn't actually stand next to a shelf full of random chemicals during a lightening storm. XD

  5. Tessa says:

    love this! If only…
    I'm slowly but surely making my way our of debt with just regular human powers though! And everytime I see it go down a little I at least feel like a superhero! :)

  6. CultOfMoney .Com says:

    I have a super power for planning and modeling what I want to do.  Mrs. Cult is very good at the day to day savings.  We all have our strengths and weaknesses when it comes to finances and money.  You should add a Professor Xavior for the super powers of mind control.  This would let you avoid buying anything frivolous or wasteful and let you send those sales folks off in another direction.

    • I actually had Professor Xavier set to go instead of Mystique, but I decided I needed 2 females and 2 males. I know, it's weird, but my brain works that way. Maybe I'll do another one with him added in!

  7. Bridget Gibson says:

    lol Andrea you always have the most creative posts. I would love a superpower to pay off my student loan debt faster =(

    • ME TOO. When I look at the balance on my student loans, I just want to cry. They're deferred right now (and probably will be for quite awhile), but I know at some point I've got to start chipping away at them. Ugh!

  8. Aloysa @My Broken Co says:

    I don't need a super power. All I need is a strong will. I am weak when it comes to spending. I need to stay away from malls, fashion magazines and my new obsession - eye wear stores! I need a superman to help me! lol

  9. shanendoah says:

    Mostly I just want to say that I LOVE that you know how the super heroes/villains got their powers.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Your ending statement is true: "Getting into debt can seem to happen overnight, but getting out takes months or years of dedication." Your analogies are funny - but hit home for many… thanks for the terrific tips and budgeting insights!

  11. Steven Lupton says:

    It is important to keep guard of our credit reports. Many times there are errors on them. Credit cards can be used for good, sometimes. But you need to know what to watch out for. The credit card catches.


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