It’s been awhile since I went through my search referrals, and MAN did I miss out on some weirdness! I thought the whole slow vagina thing was as strange as it could get, but I was totally wrong.
There were so many interesting searches that led people here, I decided it might be unfair to pick and choose only a few to highlight. Instead, I’ve divided them into categories for the 1st Semi-Annual WTF Search Awards. I’ll select my favorites from each category, and you can feel free to disagree in the comments.
*All search terms have been left intact, including atrocious grammar, spelling, and/or structure.
Category: Best Use of Google for Random Confessions
The nominees are:
- “daughter walked right passed me like i wasn’t there”
- “financial bloggers are terrible”
- “i don’t wanna hook up with kyle”
- “i run and hide every time a policeman show up at my door to serve me with a summons”
- “i wish i could share my pizza”
- “lost my panties in victorias secret”
- “i don’t buy toothpaste because i get it for free”
- “don’t get behind me in line, i coupon”
- “i’m techno and you’re not”
- “sometimes i think and sometimes i don’t”
And the WTF Award goes to……
“lost my panties in victorias secret” - First, how does that happen? Second, what are you hoping to gain by telling Google about it? I’m pretty sure even Google Maps couldn’t help you find your lost panties - you’ll have to just go to the store and buy more. Which is just what they WANT you to do.
Category: Nosiest Search
The nominees are:
- “andrea is calling you so pick up the phone”
- “how andrea got pregnant”
- “andrea is a single mom”
- “what did andrea screw up”
And the WTF Award goes to……
Category: Most Supernatural Search
The nominees are:
- “evil hidden messages in logos”
- “how to find out if a fairy is around you”
- “smart goals zombie”
- “zombie lessons”
- “jd roth are you scared of the dark”
- “help for my destiny”
And the WTF Award goes to……
“smart goals zombie” - I don’t really love SMART goals. That said, I would love to know what kind of SMART goals a zombie would set for itself. Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-Bound. Hmmm… “I will eat five human brains by the end of the day.” That’s actually a lot more exciting than most of the goals I’ve read about lately!
Category: Most Perverted Search
The nominees are:
- “full leg cast”
- “behind every great woman is a man checking out her ass meaning”
- “free thong panties mailed to my house no cost”
And the WTF Award goes to……
“full leg cast” - Some of you may have missed this story. I broke a few of my toes awhile back, and some guy on Twitter was asking if I had to get a cast. After awhile, it became apparent that he was getting some kind of thrill - I checked his profile and it was nothing but, “Oh no! Did you have to get a leg cast?” directed at women. Some googling of my own taught me that this is a thing; some people get a sexual thrill out of women wearing casts on their legs. *shudder* WTF, indeed.
Category: Best Use of Google as a Therapist/Psychic
The nominees are:
- “how can i connect my hose to my neighbors, her water got shut off til tomorrow and they have no water”
- “how much do a person pay for clothes making 7.25 an hour”
- “what is the name of the coupon site i have been seeing commercials for”
- “what mbti type are prone to spreadsheets”
- “what should my bills be”
- “can a person with abandonment issues seem like a stalker”
- “can i write a check to myself if i have no money but i have overdraft protection”
- “does it really matter if i shop at walmart”
- “how do i get rid of insufficient credit history”
- “why can’t my ex just pay the lunch money”
And the WTF Award goes to……
“why can’t my ex just pay the lunch money” - Probably for the same reason mine can’t, honey. I bet he’s broke and irresponsible and just plain annoying. That’s probably part of the reason he’s your ex. Just pay for your kid’s lunch and be glad you don’t have to deal with that asshole anymore.
Category: Epic All By Itself
This search is so awesome, it gets a WTF Award just for existing. Feast your eyes on THIS:
“for example me i work at a fast food restaurant and all you get paid is minimum wage and in reality i will never go anywhere in life with this job so this is why i am going to college so that i can get a real job where i get paid lots of money and go somewhere in life”
I just hope college teaches that person to divide thoughts into separate sentences.
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